LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH AARON BECK PDF
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Alongside the experimental behaviorists were the learning theorists, such as Clark Hull. As Dollard and Miller tried to find some common ground between psychodynamic theory and traditional learning approaches, they were inevitably led to consider the role of social factors in human learning.
Bandura, Rotter, and Mischel built on the legacy of Dollard and Miller, but added to it the active role of cognition in the human species. Finally, Kelly moved to a purely cognitive description of how individuals become who they are.
However, we must address an important caveat. However, as Kelly the therapist was keenly aware, many people cannot predict or control the events surrounding them. Regardless of the answer, Kelly is the recognized leader of a significant development in the field of personality, a development that contributed to the highly regarded cognitive therapies of Ellis and Beck.
Carl Jung was dramatically influenced by the ancient Vedic traditions of India, and Carl Rogers, the founder of humanistic psychology, was influenced by the spiritual traditions of China.
And now we have Kelly, whose theory represents the culmination of behavioral-cognitive theories, sharing a fundamental similarity with Buddhist psychology. Clearly, throughout the history of personality theory, there have been important theorists who looked beyond the constraints of their own training and their own culture.
Constructive Alternativism Kelly begins by questioning the role that psychologists have assigned to themselves. Psychologists consider themselves to be scientists, engaged in the systematic study of human behavior and thought. In trying to understand the world around us, using arguments that sound either existential or like Eastern philosophy, Kelly questions the existence of the universe. Of course it exists, he says, but so do the thoughts of each individual, and the correspondence between what people think exists and what does, in fact, exist is constantly changing.
Thus, Kelly suggests that it is better to say that the world around us is existing, rather than to say it exists. Likewise, life can only be understood in the context of time, if it is to make sense. However, life is not simply the changes that occur over time. Rather, it is a relationship between living things and their environment. Kelly emphasizes the creative capacity of living things to represent their environment, as opposed to simply reacting to it.
These representations are known as constructs, patterns that we create in our mind and attempt to fit over the realities of the world.
Over time, we test our constructs for the ability to predict what will happen in our lives.
With sufficient time and experience, and if we are willing to learn from our mistakes, we can evaluate all of our interpretations of the world in which we live Kelly, a.
Kelly believes that all of our present interpretations of the environment are open to revision or replacement; there are always alternative constructs that may help us deal with new or difficult situations. It is this philosophical position that Kelly refers to as constructive alternativism. It is important to keep in mind, of course, that not just any alternative will work in a given situation.
Therefore, each potential alternative construct must be evaluated in terms of its specific predictive efficiency, as well as in terms of overall predictive efficiency of the system it would become part of, if that alternative construct were adopted Kelly, a. Can you think of situations in which someone did what you expected, but you really wanted to know what they had thought about doing as alternatives?
Basic Theory of Personal Constructs Personal construct theory begins with a fundamental postulate, which is then elaborated with eleven corollaries. The carefully chosen words in this postulate define the nature of personal construct theory. Each person is then recognized as a process. The mind does not stop and start, simply reacting to stimuli, but rather it is constantly in motion, constantly experimenting with constructs.
These processes operate through a network of pathways, or channels, according to the devices, or ways, a person constructs in order to achieve their goals.
Since these processes, ways, and channels have not been identified as specific physiological mechanisms or anatomical structures, Kelly emphasizes that this is a psychological theory. So when we discuss this mechanism we are not necessarily addressing neuroscience on one hand or sociology on the other hand, we are working within the constraints of the field of psychology. Being man-the-scientist, each of us seeks to predict the future and choose our actions accordingly.
Finally, we have real-life events. Kelly was always very practical about both his personality theory and his approach to psychotherapy.
Thus, the psychology of personal constructs is not an ethereal theory. Psychological processes, according to Kelly, are tied down to reality, and anticipation is carried forward in order to better represent future reality. Having established the fundamental postulate, Kelly then described eleven corollaries, or propositions, which both follow from the postulate and amplify his system by elaborating on the fundamental idea Kelly, a. Construing refers to placing an interpretation upon an event.
Since a new event will not occur exactly as a past event, our anticipation involves interpreting what the new event will be like.
Kelly uses the example of a day. Today is not the same as yesterday, tomorrow will not be the same as today, but each day follows something of a similar pattern. Thus, our anticipation of tomorrow involves constructs based on both the similarities and differences between days we have experienced in the past. It is important to note that this process is not the same as cognition, it is not simply thinking about tomorrow. Much of this process is preverbal, or unconscious, and in that sense occurs automatically.
No matter how closely associated two people are, they cannot play exactly the same role in any situation. Therefore, they will interpret events differently. Although Kelly acknowledges that people often share similar experiences, particularly as they attend to the experiences of others in the same or similar situations, this corollary emphasizes the unique, subjective nature of interpreting and anticipating events.
Love Is Never Enough
When faced with conflict, there may be solutions that contradict one another. Thus, the constructs we develop may contradict each other. Kelly suggested that we develop our constructs in a systematic and organized way, with some constructs being ranked more highly than others. You could have been happy that your husband told an amusing anecdote in a social situation, and you and your friends are having a laugh, but instead you are angry for no reason at all.
Arbitrary Inference. You are getting upset for absolutely no reason. You have a plan to meet your partner somewhere. Then she arrives late without apologizing. In this particular case, she completely lost track of the time. Other examples: Almost everyone lies sometimes. If your partner lies to you one time or lies about one type of thing, you should not jump to the conclusion that your partner is a generally dishonest person who always lies about everything.
You could feel good about yourself, because you are doing something for someone you love, and that person appreciates what you are doing. Your partner lies to you about working late, when he actually went out for a drink in a bar after work. He is probably an alcoholic. That does not mean that he always lies about everything.
You could have just told me what you were doing, and I would not have minded. You are angry and afraid, when you could have the feeling of being forgiving and generous and appreciated. Biased Explanations. You ask your wife to pick up your prescription at the drug store on the way home from work and she forgets. There is no basis for ascribing a bad motive to her actions.
Negative Labeling. Now, she is noticeably disappointed. This is proof that she is a manipulative person. In reality, you know why she is disappointed, and if you asked her, she would tell you that she feels disappointed because you did not do what she wanted. She is not being mean to you because she is a manipulative person. But I did want I wanted to do, which demonstrates that I love and respect myself.
This is an important and valuable quality, even though it sometimes creates conflict with my wife. You would prefer to sleep with as little noise as possible. He is putting on that machine just to annoy me. Instead of working together to resolve a conflict, you are becoming angry, because of your false belief that your partner is intentionally and maliciously creating a problem for you.
Just because your partner is angry, your partner is not necessarily angry at you. Mind Reading. He should know what I want. I should not always have to ask. If you tell him what you want, he will do it because you are important to him, but if you do not tell him what you want, it would not even occur to him to do it.
See a Problem?
You ask him if he wants to go skiing, and he says no. He would be happy to go sleigh-riding at a nearby hill with the kids, and then go for a walk in the evening and watch the sunset after getting done all the things he needs to get done.
Your belief that he said no to skiing because he hates spending time with you in the kids is erroneous.
Thus, many grave marital battles are staged by two blind combatants fighting against fantasized images they have projected onto each other. Though directed at the fantasized image, the attacks pierce the real person. Subjective Reasoning. You think, I am very anxious and worried about my children.
Love Is Never Enough
Therefore, my wife is not doing enough to take care of the children. This could be true, if your wife is neglecting the children.
But if your children are safe and are experiencing normal childhoods, it is not true. The fact that you feel anxious and worried does not mean that your partner is doing something wrong. You may think, I feel lonely. Therefore, my partner does not pay enough attention to me.
Not necessarily. You might feel lonely even though your partner pays an average amount of attention to you. Your partner is not doing anything wrong just because you feel lonely, especially if you never express to your partner that you want her to pay more attention to you. Marital problems are exacerbated by angry fights. In addition to reducing the frequency of anger caused by your own cognitive distortions, there are other ways to lessen the frequency and intensity of angry conflict.
Instead of being sarcastic, simply ask for what you want. You may be treating your spouse the way one of your parents treated the other parent, even though this way of acting is obviously not working.
Even though you cannot always control your feeling of anger, you can control yourself from saying or doing angry things. It may not be helpful to tell your partner you are angry, but telling your partner you're angry is okay, because that is not the same as saying or doing something angry. In reality, you are making yourself angry.
When you are in a fight, you need to stay focused on understanding why the other person is angry and acknowledging what is true about what the other person is saying. You need to ask questions until you can demonstrate to the other person that you understand how the other person feels.
Aaron T. Beck
Your gut reaction might be, are you nuts? You mean to tell me that when my spouse is angry and ranting and raving and cursing at me, I should just sit there and take it and not fight back? If you want to fight with your life partner, you may want to ask yourself why you want this.
Are you getting anything of value out of it?
Here is a list of beliefs that are usually false. You believe that just because something is not the way you want it to be, it cannot possibly be the way you want it to be.At the time the book was published this was no doubt a cutting-edge technique for marital therapy. Community Reviews.
Finally, we have real-life events. A randomized controlled study of cognitive therapy for relapse prevention for bipolar affective disorder: outcome of the first year.
You no longer feel lonely. Beck also developed self-report measures of depression and anxiety, notably the Beck Depression Inventory BDI which became Aaron Temkin Beck is an American psychiatrist who is professor emeritus in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania. You might rub your partner the wrong way because you are not polite, and your partner might rub you the wrong way because your partner is too indirect. Feb 06, Karla rated it liked it. Dec 26, Inuta rated it it was amazing.