pixia-club.info Education Chuck Palahniuk Pdf

CHUCK PALAHNIUK PDF

Friday, July 19, 2019


Chuck Palahniuk - Fight Club · Read more · Palahniuk, Chuck - Invisible Monsters. Read more (eBook) Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters v Read more. Lullaby By Chuck Palahniuk Prologue At first, the new owner pretends he never looked at the living room floor. Never r. survivor - chuck pixia-club.info - Free download as PDF File .pdf), Text File .txt) or read online for free.


Chuck Palahniuk Pdf

Author:GEORGE BRENDEL
Language:English, Spanish, Japanese
Country:El Salvador
Genre:Art
Pages:230
Published (Last):14.03.2016
ISBN:576-1-22336-462-8
ePub File Size:17.63 MB
PDF File Size:9.44 MB
Distribution:Free* [*Regsitration Required]
Downloads:47548
Uploaded by: POLLY

by Chuck Palahniuk. Inhale. Take in as much air as you can. This story should last about as long as you can hold your breath, and then just a little bit longer. Home · pixia-club.info pixia-club.info March 19, | Author: Lili | Category: N/A. DOWNLOAD PDF - MB. Share Embed. As gleefully, vividly, hilariously obscene as you'd expect Irreverent and hugely entertaining." —NPR From the bestselling author.

Speci men Number , I ' mwr i t i ng, i s a r ed r ose ar ound a hundr ed year s ol d. What I hope i s ever ybody el se her e i s dead. What you need t o under st and i s I ' mnot a ghoul. Down at t he end of t he gal l er y and so f ar away she' s j ust a t i ny bl ack out l i ne agai nst a huge st ai ned- gl ass wi ndow i s somebody.

Chuck Palahniuk

And what I hope i s she' s dead. Any dead gi r l. I ' mnot what you' d cal l choosy. I can' t gr ow a weed. The l andscapi ng i s beaut i f ul as l ong as you don' t l ook t oo cl ose. So nat ur al. So peacef ul. Then I st eal t he r ose. The concr et e honeycomb of ever y wal l i s ni ne f eet t hi ck so i t can accommodat e even t he l ongest casket i nser t ed l engt hwi se.

Vi si t or s sel domvi si t. The aver age year - r ound t emper at ur e and humi di t y ar e l ow and const ant. The ol dest speci mens der i ve f r omt he cul t ur e of Vi ct or i an f l ower l anguage.

Based on t he cl assi c Le l angage des f l eur s by Madame de l a Tour , pur pl e l i l acs meant deat h. The ger ani ummeant gent i l i t y.

The but t er cup, chi l di shness. Because most ar t i f i ci al f l ower s wer e made t o decor at e hat s, a mausol eumpr ovi des t he best speci mens t hat st i l l exi st. That ' s what I t el l peopl e. I ' mconduct i ng a st udy. Thi s i s af t er ever yone' s gone. The cadaver eyes shoul d be col l apsed i nt o dar k socket s, and I want i t t o st umbl e bl i nd and cl ut chi ng t he col d mar bl e wal l s wi t h smear s of r ot t ed past e t hat expose t he bones i nsi de each hand.

Car ved her e f or ever ar e t he names of peopl e who t ook my advi ce. Go ahead. Ki l l your sel f. Bel oved Son. Gent l e Daught er. Devot ed Fr i end. Exal t ed soul. Her e I am. Come and get me. I want t o be chased by f l esh- eat i ng zombi es. I want t o be wal ki ng past t he mar bl e sl ab cover i ng a cr ypt and hear somet hi ng scr at chi ng and st r uggl i ng i nsi de. Speci men Number , I wr i t e i n my not ebook, has a mai n st emof gr een cot t on- cover ed gauge mi l l i ner y wi r e.

Each l eaf st emappear s t o be gauge. Not t hat I ' mcr azy or anyt hi ng, I j ust want some pr oof t hat deat h i sn' t t he end. Ther e woul d be some comf or t i n t hat. So I wai t. So I wat ch. I put my ear t o each col d cr ypt. The ol dest synt het i c pl ast i c, Bakel i t e was i nvent ed i n when a chemi st heat ed a mi xt ur e of phenol and f or mal dehyde.

I t ' s t he day af t er Memor i al Day weekend when t he cr owds ar e gone f or anot her year. Wi t h t he heel of one shoe i n my hand, I was knocki ng and sayi ng, Hel l o.

I n Mor se code I was aski ng, coul d anybody hear me? The day af t er Memor i al Day, t he j ani t or t hr ows t hemout. Lef t behi nd i s a new cr op of f ake peoni es, dar k magent a and soaked wi t h dye t o make t hei r si l k al most bl ack.

The ol dest ol d speci mens i ncl ude f l ower s made of chi f f on, or ganza, vel vet , vel vet een geor get t e, cr epe de chi ne, and wi de sat i n r i bbon.

Heaped i n my ar ms ar e snapdr agons, sweet peas, and sal vi a. Hol l yhocks, f our - o' cl ocks, and f or get - me- not s. The f l ower i n f r ont of me i s Speci men , a post war r ayon chr ysant hemum, post war because t her e wasn' t si l k enough or r ayon or wi r e enough t o make f l ower s dur i ng Wor l d War Two.

Much Bel oved. Lovi ng Son. I n Lovi ng Remembr ance. I t ' s somet hi ng Eur opean. Somet hi ng mal nour i shed. I t i sn' t t he dai l y r ecommended al l owance of f ood and sunshi ne t hat make you beaut i f ul by any Nor t h Amer i can st andar d.

Ther e' s somet hi ng waxy about how her ar ms and l egs come out of her dr ess l ooki ng r aw and whi t e. You coul d see her l i vi ng behi nd bar bed wi r e. And comi ng up i nsi de me i s t he desper at e hope t hat maybe she' s dead. Thi s i s how I f eel wat chi ng ol d movi es at home wher e vampi r es and zombi es come back f r omt he gr ave, hungr y f or human f l esh.

I nsi de me i s t he same desper at e hope I have wat chi ng t he r avenous undead and t hi nki ng, Oh pl ease, oh pl ease, oh pl ease. To put my ear t o her chest and be hear i ng not hi ng. Even get t i ng munched on by zombi es beat s t he i dea t hat I ' monl y f l esh and bl ood, ski n and bone. Ghoul i e or ghost y or l ong- l egged beast i e, I j ust want my hand hel d.

Even f r omup hi gh, her f ace l ooks mass- pr oduced.

The f eel of ever yt hi ng i s pol i shed mar bl e. Rol l ed ai r y shapes of col l ect ed dust and dander and hai r wander ar ound t he f l oor. Ghost t ur ds, peopl e cal l t hose. You can get l ost easy enough her e. Hal l ways r un i nt o hal l ways at odd angl es. The r epeat i ng past el sof t shades of mar bl e ar e so af t er you' r e l ost you don' t pani c.

Thi s St one Er ect ed i n t he Honor. Er ect ed on Thi s Spot. I amal l of t he above. My col d f i nger s f eel cr abbed ar ound my pen. Speci men Number 98 i s a pi nk camel l i a of chi na si l k.

A camel l i a i s supposed t o mean unmat ched excel l ence. A year coul d pass bet ween her aski ng a quest i on and my answer. The epi t aph r eads: Tr evor Hol l i s, do your wor st. I dar e you, come and seek your r evenge. Her head t hr own back, t he gi r l smi l es up at me st andi ng above her.

Agai nst t he gr ay of ever yt hi ng st one, her r ed hai r bl azes, and up at me, she says, " You br ought f l ower s. She cat ches a hydr angea and says, " Nobody' s been her e t o vi si t si nce t he f uner al.

She says, " Hi. That ' s her f ul l name, no ki ddi ng, and she' s what I r eal l y want t o shar e about t he next day wi t h my casewor ker. I n exchange, I keep get t i ng housi ng voucher s. The pr ogr am makes me el i gi bl e f or subsi di zed housi ng. Fr ee gover nment cheese, powder ed mi l k, honey, and but t er. Fr ee j ob pl acement. My dodgy l i t t l e apar t ment and sur pl us cheese. You get j ust enough t o make ends meet. You don' t get anyt hi ng r eal l y choi ce, you don' t get handi capped par ki ng, but once a week f or one hour , you get a casewor ker.

Ever y Tuesday, mi ne dr i ves up t o t he house wher e I ' mwor ki ng i n her pl ai n- col or ed gover nment pool car wi t h her pr of essi onal compassi on and case hi st or y f ol der s and her mi l eage l og f or keepi ng t r ack of t he mi l es bet ween each cl i ent vi si t. Thi s week, she has t went y- f our cl i ent s. Last week, she had t went y- si x. Ever y Tuesday she comes t o l i st en. Ever y week, I ask her how many sur vi vor s ar e l ef t , nat i onwi de.

She wi pes her f i nger t i p down a col umn of number s, and says, " One hundr ed and f i f t y- seven sur vi vor s. Nat i onwi de. That we t al ked. We shar ed. She handed me a pen. We opened our hear t s. Hear me, heal me, save me, bel i eve me. Okay, I know who she' s t al ki ng about. She hung her sel f wi t h an ext ensi on cor d. I never l i ked her. Then t he dat e.

The st amp i s somet hi ng l ef t over f r oman i npat i ent hospi t al pr ogr am. Nobody want ed t o speci al - or der a st amp t hat sai d DEAD. The casewor ker t ol d me t hi s a f ew year s ago when t he sui ci des st ar t ed back up agai n. Ashes t o ashes. Dust t o dust. Thi s i s how t hi ngs get r ecycl ed. Her hands t wi st t he bot t l e bet ween t hem. They t wi st. They t wi st unt i l her knuckl es l ook whi t e. She says, " These peopl e wi l l do anyt hi ng t o make me l ook i ncompet ent.

Wel l , no. I di dn' t know t hem. I knew who t hey wer e, but I don' t r emember t hem f r ombef or e. I di dn' t know t hemf r omgr owi ng up, but over t he past f ew year s I ' d seen t hemar ound t he nei ghbor hood. The man wor e t he suspender s, t he baggy pant s, t he l ong- sl eeved shi r t wi t h t he col l ar but t oned on even t he hot t est day of summer.

The woman wor e t he bl ah- col or ed smock of a dr ess I r emember chur ch women had t o wear. On her head, she st i l l wor e t he bonnet. I saw t hemar ound. Di d seei ng peopl e f r omyour ol d chur ch ever make you sad?

Seei ng peopl e t he way t hey used t o dr ess when you wer e par t of t he chur ch, di d i t maybe make you angr y? The casewor ker says, " Ar e you goi ng t o answer t hat? Fi r st I have t o check my dai l y pl anner. The speaker phone r i ngs. Accor di ng t o my dai l y pl anner book, I ' msupposed t o be st eami ng t he dr apes i n t he bl ue guest r oom. What ever t hat means. The speaker phone yel l s, " What can you t el l us about t oni ght ' s banquet? Sal mon wi t h no bones.

Br ai sed endi ve. Ti nes down. You al r eady know br ai sed endi ve. I know you know br ai sed endi ve. You l ove br ai sed endi ve.

Eat j ust t hr ee bi t es, I t el l t he speaker phone. The speaker phone asks, " Coul d you get t he st ai ns out of t he f i r epl ace mant el? Ri ght. You f or got. Sl eazes. You coul d cal l me a gent l eman' s gent l eman but you' d be wr ong on bot h count s. Ar e we cover ed? Wi t h My Deepest Love. Then t he appl i cabl e si gnat ur e. Then P. That shoul d hol d t hemf or anot her year , " t he speaker phone says.

They never have t o r emi nd me t o do anyt hi ng. They j ust have t o have t he l ast wor d. No sweat of f my back. Bet ween l ong exhal es, she asks, " Your f ami l y?

Chuck Palahniuk

She asks, " Your own mot her? Ther e' s t he br ass door knobs t o pol i sh. Ther e' s al l t he ol d newspaper s t o r ecycl e. How we met at t he mausol eum. I n t he ol dest wi ng of t he mausol eum, t he wi ng cal l ed Cont ent ment , J esus i s gaunt and r omant i c wi t h a woman' s huge wet eyes and l ong eyel ashes.

I n t he f or t i es, i n t he Ser eni t y wi ng, J esus becomes an abst r act assembl y of pl anes and cubes. The si xt i es J esus i s pegged t oget her out of dr i f t wood.

Fer t i l i t y t al ked about ar t and we wander ed t hr ough Cont ent ment , Ser eni t y, Peace, J oy, Sal vat i on, Rapt ur e, and Enchant ment. I t ol d her t o cal l me Tender Br anson. That ' s as cl ose as I have t o a r eal name name. That ' s wher e she pr omi sed t o be next Wednesday.

The casewor ker asks, " I t ' s been t en year s. Why don' t you ever want t o open up and shar e any f eel i ngs about your dead f ami l y? Tender Br anson. I t ' s t he same as somebody i n anot her cul t ur e nami ng a chi l d Li eut enant Smi t h or Bi shop J ones. Or Gover nor Br own. Or Doct or Moor e. Sher i f f Pet er son. The f ami l y name came f r om t he husband. The f ami l y name was a l abel. My f ami l y name i s Br anson.

My r ank i s Tender Br anson. The casewor ker asked one t i me i f t he f ami l y name wasn' t a ki nd of endor sement or a cur se when sons and daught er s wer e cont r act ed f or wor k i n t he out si de wor l d.

Di d some f ami l y names br i ng l ower l abor cont r act pr i ces? They' l l ask i f Cr eedi sh sons mast ur bat ed or went wi t h f ar mani mal s or sodomi zed each ot her , meani ng do I.

Was I. I f or get. Or t he ent i r e i ssue i s none of your busi ness.

For t he r ecor d, my br ot her AdamBr anson was my ol der br ot her by t hr ee mi nut es and t hi r t y seconds, but by Cr eedi sh st andar ds i t coul d' ve been year s. Si nce Cr eedi sh doct r i ne di dn' t r ecogni ze a second- pl ace f i ni sher.

Al l sons af t er Adamwer e named Tender. I n t he Br anson f ami l y t hat makes me one of at l east ei ght Tender Br ansons my par ent s r el eased t o be l abor mi ssi onar i es.

Tender s ar e wor ker s who t end. Bi ddi es do your bi ddi ng. I t ' s a good guess t hat bot h wor ds ar e sl ang, ni cknames f or l onger t r adi t i onal names, but I don' t know what. Af t er t hat , you addr essed bot h member s of t he ol der coupl e as El der Maxt on. Al most al l t he chur ch el der s wer e men.

I t wasn' t compl i cat ed. I t was not hi ng compar ed t o t he out si de wor l d and i t s r anki ng syst emof par ent s and gr andpar ent s and gr eat - gr andpar ent s, aunt s and uncl es, ni eces and nephews, al l of t hemwi t h t hei r own f i r st names.

I n Cr eedi sh cul t ur e, your name t ol d ever ybody j ust wher e you bel onged. Tender or Bi ddy. Adamor Aut hor.

Or El der.

I ' ve never been mad. And maybe Adamenvi ed me because I woul d get t o go out and see t he out si de wor l d. Ever y gener at i on, t her e was a season of mar r i ages.

For a t ender or a bi ddy, a weddi ng season was somet hi ng you' d wat ch onl y f r omar ound t he edges. I f you wer e a bi ddy, i t was somet hi ng you mi ght dr eamof happeni ng t o you. Toni ght , t he cal l s come t he same as ever y ni ght.

Thei r f ami l y upset s. Thei r boyf r i end pr obl ems. Her e' s t he et i quet t e equi val ent of bal l r oomdanci ng. I ' ve j ust about per f ect ed a f ai l saf e t echni que f or moppi ng up ext r a saged cr eamwhen t he phone r i ngs, agai n. A woman cal l s and says her ki ds won' t behave.

She asks, " I sn' t t hi s ? I s t hi s t he Moor ehouse Ci nePl ex? I ask, how ol d was her br ot her? I make my voi ce sound deeper , di f f er ent enough I hope so she won' t know me. She doesn' t even sound al l t hat sad.

Her voi ce makes me t hi nk of her mout h makes me t hi nk of her br eat h makes me t hi nk of her br east s. My l ease on my apar t ment i s al most r un out. The t ags on my car expi r e next week. I ask, i sn' t t her e someone who shar es her gr i ef over her br ot her? Nobody el se put s f l ower s on t he gr ave?

I ask, how does she mean, wei r d? Thei r whol e t own t hey st ar t ed, t hey al l went t o chur ch and dr ank poi son, and t he FBI f ound t hemal l hol di ng hands on t he f l oor , dead. Thi s guy r emi nded me of t hat. What el se? Let your mut ual l oss br i ng t he t wo of you t oget her.

Thi s coul d be a bi g br eakt hr ough i n r omance f or her. Besi des, he wasn' t t hat at t r act i ve. You coul d hel p hi mout. Gi ve hi ma makeover. Thi s guy j ust doesn' t have any good f eat ur es t o wor k wi t h. That and he' s queer. I sn' t she supposed t o see hi magai n?

He was j ust so needy and pat het i c. He f ol l owed me al l over t he mausol eumf or an hour. She pr omi sed. Thi nk of poor dead Tr evor , her br ot her. She asks, " How di d you know hi s name? You sai d hi s name. Tr evor. Twent y- f our.

Latest Free eBooks

Ki l l ed hi msel f l ast week. Had a secr et l over who desper at el y needs her shoul der t o cr y on. You' r e a good l i st ener , " she says. What do you l ook l i ke? Hi deous. Ugl y hai r.

Ugl y past. I ask about her br ot her ' s f r i end, maybe l over , wi dower , i s she goi ng t o meet hi m next week l i ke she pr omi sed? You have t he chance t o make a bi g di f f er ence i n someone' s l onel i ness. Her e' s a per f ect chance t o br i ng l ove and suppor t i ve nur t ur i ng suppor t t o a man who needs your l ove desper at el y.

Genesi s, Chapt er Thr ee, Ver se Twel ve: The woman whomt hou gavest t o be wi t h me, she gave me of t he t r ee, and I di d eat. I ' mnot al one her e. She says, " Put your mout h al l over me. Oh, har der , do me har der , " she l aughs and says.

Li ck me. Li ck. But I don' t. Fer t i l i t y' s sayi ng, " You know you want me. Tel l me what you want me t o do. You know you want t o. And I hang up. Then t he phone r i ngs. She has her own set of pr obl ems. She has a degr ee i n soci al wor k. Ten year s ago she was t went y- f i ve and j ust out of col l ege and she was swamped wi t h col l ect i ng t he cl i ent s assi gned t o her as par t of t he f eder al gover nment ' s br and- new Sur vi vor Ret ent i on Pr ogr am.

What happened was a pol i ceman came t o t he f r ont door of t he house wher e I wor ked back t hen. I di dn' t know any bet t er.

The yar ds ar ound t he house wer e al ways wet dar k gr een and cl i pped so smoot h t hey r ol l ed out sof t and per f ect as a gr een mi nk coat. Not hi ng i nsi de t he house ever l ooked depr eci at ed.

Fight Club, Invisible Monsters, Choke

When you' r e t went y- t hr ee, you t hi nk you can keep up t hi s l evel of per f or mance f or ever. You can' t under st and how good my wor k f el t up t o t he moment I opened t hat door. No mat t er how peopl e st ar ed at me, I wor e t he mandat or y chur ch cost ume ever ywher e, t he hat , t he baggy t r ouser s wi t h no pocket s.

The l ong- sl eeved whi t e shi r t. Because I ' mnot Ami sh. You wer en' t a l ant er n under any basket. You st ood out r i ght eous as a sor e t humb. You wer e t he one hol y man t o keep God f r omcr ushi ng al l of t he Sodomand Gomor r ah seet hi ng ar ound you i n t he Val l ey Pl aza Shoppi ng Cent er.

You wer e ever yone' s savi or , whet her t hey knew i t or not. I t f el t even mor e wonder f ul t o meet someone dr essed t he same as you. The br own pant s or t he br own dr ess, we al l wor e t he same l umpy br own pot at o shoes. I f you met someone f r omt he chur ch di st r i ct col ony, you coul d say: You coul d say: And you coul d say: The t wo of you woul d r ush t oget her and you wer en' t al l owed t o t ouch.

No huggi ng. No handshaki ng. You woul d say one appr oved bi t. She woul d say one. You kept your heads bowed, and you each went back t o your t ask. Gr owi ng up i nsi de t he chur ch di st r i ct col ony, hal f your st udi es wer e about chur ch doct r i ne and r ul es. Hal f wer e about ser vi ce. Ser vi ce i ncl uded gar deni ng, et i quet t e, f abr i c car e, cl eani ng, car pent r y, sewi ng, ani mal s, ar i t hmet i c, get t i ng out st ai ns, and t ol er ance. Dr i nki ng and smoki ng wer e f or bi dden.

Pr esent a cl ean and or der l y appear ance at al l t i mes. You coul d not i ndul ge i n br oadcast f or ms of ent er t ai nment. Luke, Chapt er Twent y, Ver se Thi r t y- f i ve: J ust say no. The ot her r ul es j ust went on and on. God f or bi d you shoul d ever dance. Or eat r ef i ned sugar. Or si ng. But t he most i mpor t ant r ul e t o r emember was al ways: When t he apocal ypse was i mmi nent , cel ebr at e, and al l Cr eedi sh must del i ver t hemsel ves unt o God, amen.

Si nce l i st eni ng t o br oadcast communi cat i on was a no- no, i t mi ght t ake year s f or al l chur ch member s t o f i nd out about t he Del i ver ance. Chur ch doct r i ne named i t t hat. The Del i ver ance. The f l i ght out of Egypt. You mi ght not f i nd out f or year s, but t he moment you f ound out , you had t o f i nd a gun, dr i nk some poi son, dr own, hang, sl ash, or j ump.

You had t o del i ver your sel f t o Heaven. I t was t he apocal ypse, t he Del i ver ance, and despi t e al l my wor k and al l t he money I ' d ear ned t owar d our pl an, Heaven on Ear t h j ust wasn' t goi ng t o happen. Bef or e I coul d t hi nk, t he casewor ker st epped f or war d and sai d, " We know what you' ve been pr ogr ammed t o do at t hi s poi nt. A year l at er , f our hundr ed. Si nce t hen, even a coupl e of casewor ker s have ki l l ed t hemsel ves. The gover nment f ound me and most of t he ot her sur vi vor s by our l et t er s of conf essi on we sent back t o t he chur ch di st r i ct col ony ever y mont h.

We di dn' t know we wer e wr i t i ng and sendi ng our wages t o chur ch el der s who wer e al r eady dead and i n Heaven. We coul dn' t know t hat casewor ker s wer e r eadi ng our t al l y ever y mont h of how many t i mes we swor e or had unpur e t hought s. Now t her e was not hi ng I coul d t el l t he casewor ker t hat she di dn' t al r eady know. Ten year s have passed, and you never see sur vi vi ng chur ch member s t oget her. The sur vi vor s who see each ot her now, t her e' s not hi ng l ef t bet ween us except embar r assment and di sgust.

Our shame i s f or our sel ves. Our di sgust i s f or each ot her. Sackcl ot h and ashes. They coul dn' t save t hemsel ves. They wer e weak. And I was weak. The casewor ker sai d, " I under st and you have a pr obl emwi t h mast ur bat i on. Shoot , cut , choke, bl eed, or j ump. The wor l d was passi ng by so f ast out si de t he car my eyes went goof y. The casewor ker sai d, " Your l i f e has been a mi ser abl e ni ght mar e up t o now, but you' r e goi ng t o be okay.

Ar e you hear i ng me? It's basically a peel-and-stick lobotomy. It's so easy a year-old can do it. In Miss Chen's English class, we learned "To be or not to be," but there's a big gray area in between. Maybe in Shakespeare times people only had two options. Griffin Wilson, he knew the SATs were just the gateway to a big lifetime of bullshit.

To getting married and going to college. To paying taxes and trying to raise a kid who's not a school shooter. And Griffin Wilson knew drugs are only a patch. After drugs, you're always going to need more drugs. Advertisement The problem with being talented and gifted is sometimes you get too smart.

My uncle Henry says the importance of eating a good breakfast is because your brain is still growing. But nobody talks about how, sometimes, your brain can get just too big. We're basically big animals, evolved to break open shells and eat raw oysters, but now we're expected to keep track of all Kardashian sisters and Baldwin brothers.

Seriously, at the rate they reproduce the Kardashians and the Baldwins are going to wipe out all other species of humans. The rest of us, you and me, we're just evolutionary dead ends waiting to wink out. Advertisement You could ask Griffin Wilson anything. Ask him who signed the Treaty of Ghent.

He'd be like that cartoon magician on TV who says, "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my head. In Organic Chem, he could talk string theory until he was anoxic, but what he really wanted to be was happy.

Not just not sad, he wanted to be happy the way a dog is happy. Not constantly jerked this way and that by flaming instant messages and changes in the federal tax code.

He didn't want to die either. He wanted to be—and not to be—but at the same time. That's what a pioneering genius he was. The principal of student affairs made Tricia Gedding swear to not tell a living soul, but you know how that goes.

The school district was afraid of copycats. Those defibrillators are everywhere these days. Advertisement Since that day in the nurse's office, Griffin Wilson has never seemed happier. He's always giggling too loud and wiping spit off his chin with his sleeve. The special ed teachers clap their hands and heap him with praise just for using the toilet. Talk about a double standard. The rest of us are fighting tooth and nail for whatever garbage career we can get, while Griffin Wilson is going to be thrilled with penny candy and reruns of Fraggle Rock for the rest of his life.

How he was before, he was miserable unless he won every chess tournament. The way he is now, just yesterday, he took out his dick and jerked off on the school bus.

And when Mrs. Ramirez pulled over and left the driver's seat to chase him down the aisle he shouted, "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my pants," and he squirted come on her uniform shirt. He was laughing the whole time. Lobotomized or not, he still knows the value of a signature catchphrase. Instead of being just another grade grubber, now he's the life of the party. Advertisement The voltage even cleared up his acne. It's hard to argue with results like that. It wasn't a week after he'd turned zombie that Tricia Gedding went to the gym where she does Zumba and got the defibrillator off the wall in the girls' locker room.

After her self-administered peel-and-stick procedure in a bathroom stall, she doesn't care where she gets her period. Her best friend, Brie Phillips, got to the defibrillator they keep next to the bathrooms at the Home Depot, and now she walks down the street, rain or shine, with no pants on.

We're not talking about the scum of the school. We're talking about class president and head cheerleader. The best and the brightest. Everybody who played first string on all the sports teams. It took every defibrillator between here and Canada, but since then, when they play football nobody plays by the rules. And even when they get skunked, they're always grinning and slapping high fives.

Advertisement They continue to be young and hot, but they no longer worry about the day when they won't be. It's suicide, but it's not. The newspaper won't report the actual numbers. Newspapers flatter themselves. Anymore, Tricia Gedding's Facebook page has a larger readership than our daily paper. Mass media, my foot. They cover the front page with unemployment and war, and they don't think that has a negative effect?

My uncle Henry reads me an article about a proposed change in state law. Officials want a day waiting period on the sale of all heart defibrillators.

They're talking about mandatory background checks and mental health screenings. But it's not the law, not yet. Advertisement My uncle Henry looks up from the newspaper article and eyes me across breakfast. He levels me this stern look and asks, "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you? He won't acknowledge it, but there's a good life over the edge of that cliff. There's a lifetime supply of handicapped parking permits. Uncle Henry doesn't understand that all my friends have already jumped.

Advertisement They may be "differently abled," but my friends are still hooking up. More than ever, these days. They have smoking-hot bodies and the brains of infants. They have the best of both worlds. LeQuisha Jefferson stuck her tongue inside Hannah Finermann during Beginning Carpentry Arts, made her squeal and squirm right there, leaned up against the drill press. And Laura Lynn Marshall? All their falafels got scorched, and nobody made a federal case out of it. After pushing the red defibrillator button, yeah, a person suffers some consequences, but he doesn't know he's suffering.

Once he undergoes a push-button lobotomy a kid can get away with murder. Advertisement During study hall, I asked Boris Declan if it hurt. He was sitting there in the lunchroom with the red burn marks still fresh on either side of his forehead. Because when you turn on cable TV, it never fails. When you tune in and see an almost-beautiful girl almost acting on a set that looks almost realistic, Cannibal knows that her story will end by her being touched by an angel.

Because of that, Cannibal was already sporting a Spam javelin when Marcia Sanders looked at him in American Civics one day. The same way Catholics lined up in church to talk dirty through their own little window.

Because no matter how they called it, dirty talk made Cannibal drool. In middle school when they grade you on Community Spirit, they mean: Do you cheer at pep rallies and football games? Because she was such a stone fox, she was the most popular and she was the head yell leader and because she was class president and because she was such a dish.

Sanders are gone to the lake that weekend. Because at Jefferson Middle School when they grade you on Good Citizenship, they mean: Do you wash your hands after launching a corn canoe?

She spreads two layers of bath towels across the waterbed and says to make sure his head goes in the middle of them. Cannibal finds himself sunk head-deep in waterbed with sloppy waterbed mattress squeezed up around his ears, hearing the lap of ocean waves.Wher ever you l ook among t he pi geons t her e ar e bi g- t i cket r ecei pt s al l over t he si dewal k. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead. I don' t know. A har emof women wi l l be cl ut chi ng t hei r t el ephones on t he br i nk and aski ng you t o cal l back, pl ease, cal l back.

You coul d not i ndul ge i n br oadcast f or ms of ent er t ai nment. Approved for consumption. She' s not goi ng t o di e al one, but I don' t have al l ni ght.

HIEDI from Elkhart
See my other posts. I have a variety of hobbies, like broomball. I relish studying docunments quarrelsomely.